Kiss Me Deadly – Paradise Girdle

Photo © Kiss Me Deadly

A few weeks ago, one of these turned up in the post. No, not a lovely blonde lady with a pointy dagger, but a Kiss Me Deadly Paradise Longline Girdle.

Given that during my recent wardrobe purge I threw out every single piece of uncomfortable lingerie I owned (which to Paul’s dismay was nearly all of it), this might seem like a bit of a bonkers purchase. And it is, a little bit. But in its favour, it’s stretchy, it doesn’t dig in anywhere, and best of all – you can colour it in.

Photo © Kiss Me Deadly

Yes, you read that correctly. The design itself is black and white, but every Paradise girdle is supplied with a set of paints and a brush, so you can paint your own. I chose the pearlescent paints, because I like the subtle effect in this picture, but you can also choose from sparkly, glittery, or glow in the dark! Kiss Me Deadly are awarding prizes for pictures of the finished result, so I’d probably better get a move on and colour mine in!

I do need to make a small alteration to mine first though. Despite the advice on the KMD website to order this particular garment by your waist size rather than your hip measurement, I went the other way. This means it’s a little bit too big for me at the top, but I’m glad I went for the larger size otherwise I think it would have been too constricting for me at the bottom. Please note – my body is a very odd shape, thanks to 20 years of IBS and three lots of abdominal surgery, so if you’re buying one of these I would still recommend following the fitting advice on the website! However, I have the technology to take in the side seams at the waist without disrupting the technical construction of the girdle, so I’m going to do that before I get the paints out.

Photo © Marks and Spencer

Recently, Catherine wrote an article for The Lingerie Addict about What It’s Like to be a Woman with a Disability in the Lingerie Industry. This was particularly well timed for me to read, having just thrown out all my bras and replaced them with distinctly un-glamorous (but tolerably comfortable) brightly-coloured cotton crop tops from M&S. (Yes, they’re for children. Yes, that makes me feel weird.) Some of my health issues are different from Catherine’s, some of them are similar. And let’s just say that the multiple mirrors in a Marks & Spencer changing room do very little for the self-esteem of a woman who’s almost forty, overweight, in constant pain, and trying on children’s underwear as something of a last resort. That was not the most enjoyable morning I’ve ever had.

But, I did realise that if these crop tops are comfortable enough, then I could probably get away with one of Kiss Me Deadly’s more unstructured bras, like the Van Doren. (I love the style of the Fifi, but just looking at that narrow band makes my ribs hurt!) If this is a picture of the back of the Van Doren bralet (which I think it is), that nice deep strap and wide elastic combination looks very promising indeed.

First things first though – time to make that alteration to the waist of the Paradise girdle, and then get the paints out! Honestly, clothes you can colour in? Best. Idea. EVER.