I ventured up into the loft the other day, to dig out some coat hangers to take the skirts and dresses down to Tiger Lilly. This necessitated rummaging through the three enormous laundry bags that contain the remains of my former business, “GothStuff”. (I made Stuff for Goths. It did exactly what it said on the tin!)
GothStuff started winding down in 2005. I’d spend much of that year in and out of hospital with my endometriosis (culminating with my appendix being taken out by mistake!), I’d started re-training as a massage therapist, and I wasn’t happy with what I was doing, so I decided to make some changes.
Since then I’ve done a bit of soap-making, a lot of custom dressmaking, made a bit of jewellery, taken a lot of photographs… but nothing’s been as successful as GothStuff was, and I’ve spent quite a lot of time wondering why. But when I went up into the loft the other day, the reason became obvious.
I simply haven’t put as much commitment into any project since.
Tucked away in the loft I have clothing rails, hangers, display boards, flyers, labels, business cards, price lists (including the one printed on a giant t-shirt!) and catalogues. I started GothStuff at the same time as working a full-time job, and I still managed to put in eight hours’ work a day. Paul very patiently drove me and a car full of clothing all over the country to go to festivals and run market stalls.
Admittedly I’ve continued to have problems with my health over the past few years, but honestly, that’s not a reason for having given up – it’s just an excuse. If I’d been truly committed to any of the projects I’ve tried, I would have worked as hard as I possibly could to try and make it a success. And much as it pains me to say this out loud, I simply haven’t done that. I’ve spent a lot of time hovering around the edges of “what I do well” and “what I can be paid to do”, and the sad truth is that it isn’t good enough.
Time to try harder.